Social Security Card

Dear Reader,

My honey and I finally got legally married a couple of months ago and my need for a new social security card reminded me of a funny story about my mom.  It's so sad that I lost my old social security card because it was a hilarious memento.  When I was a kid, I stumbled across my unsigned social security card which had been left on the dining table for some reason.  Having recently learned cursive at school, I eagerly and proudly signed it.  I showed my mom and she got really angry because she didn't want me to sign it until I was an adult.  So, she tore it up into little pieces.  For some reason, rather than getting me a new card, the pieces were taped back together.  Later, when I started working, I was given the card, still taped together and graced with my adorable fifth-grader's signature.  I had it laminated, which you aren't supposed to do but no one ever questioned it.  A few years ago the card was lost forever when I lost my wallet.  Now that I have a new name it's time to get a new card.  Hopefully this time I will be able to sign it without pissing anyone off.

love,
Margot

A new computer :)

Dear Reader,

It's been awhile.  Turns out, blogging is very complicated and time consuming if you're using an ancient computer, especially if you don't really know what you're doing!  So here I am, it's November now.  I had a lovely Halloween and am gearing up for Thanksgiving.  Since I last wrote I was accepted for transfer from our local community college to a major university, where I am now taking full time classes online.  Two years from now I will be shopping for a frame to hang my bachelor's degree in accounting!  We used some of the student loan money on a long overdue computer upgrade, and I realized I can actually blog now.  Yay!

I've been doing some thinking about where I want to go with this project.  One of my biggest motivations is to create some kind of record of my real self in the hopes that one day my oldest son, who is being raised by my parents (estranged) will come back in my life.  I want to be able to show him my real self, and tell him my side of the story, but it will be hard to do.  In creating my story I will have something to give him.  I also hope to inspire others.  With these goals in mind, this project is focused foremost on being real.  I don't have a perfect life and I'm not the perfect parent or citizen and I'm not wealthy or thin but after a lifetime of emptiness in my soul, I've finally learned how to be happy.  It didn't take money, and it wasn't by finding Jesus or going to therapy.

My mom once compared our estrangement to me having fallen over a waterfall.  I survived the fall, but can't get back up the cliff.  Perhaps someday, we'll both travel to a place where we can be together again.  Kind of sounds poignant and touching, right?  Like something from the Land Before Time?  Then I realized, it feels more like I'm a hobbit who escaped through the waterfall from the Elf King's dungeon.  If only I could have gotten my son out too.

more soon...
love,
Margot

Zucchini Cupcakes

Dear Reader,

I took the first zucchini from my garden and made cupcakes following this recipe I found at Taste of Home.

  The cupcakes turned out very yummy, with room for improvement as always!

     I took the idea for the grated zucchini garnish from this alternate recipe at the i am baker blog. I plan to try the second recipe with the next squash - the cream cheese icing sounds so good, I can't wait to taste it.  The cupcakes look so cute on the scrapbuster mandala I made recently from the tutorial I found at the Made in K-town blog.  Let me know if you try any of these projects - I'd love to feature your photo of the results!

xoxo
Margot

My current self

first sunshineflower of the year

Dear Reader,

How shall I begin to share my story with you?  Let's start with a basic introduction - after all we don't yet know each other.  Here's the demographics.  I am Margot, a white American woman in my mid thirties.  I live in Ohio, at the edge of a trailer park on the outskirts of a small rural town.  I live with my fiance Eric and our two year old son Jeff.  On the uphill climb from various past disasters, we are both full time students working to escape the poverty trap at the bottom of the US socioeconomic scale.

As a snapshot, it doesn't sound like such a remarkable life, but when you learn where I've been it becomes amazing that I reached this place.  A year ago, I was flipping burgers.  Five years ago, I was living in a tent at a state park campground.  Seventeen years back, I was a National Merit Scholar who graduated high school early and went to a major university with a five-year full ride.  33 years ago, I was living in England where my parents spent a few years seeking religious truth.

It's hard to connect with people when your life has been so strange.  The simplest conversation can become complicated so quickly.  One innocent question can stab right to the heart of a painful issue you just don't care to discuss with your coworker or neighbor.  For me the worst of these questions is also one of the most common: "Is he your only child?"  I always lie, and say yes.

The thing I've discovered is that keeping things inside is not good for your soul.  At least, not good for MY soul.  That's where you come in, dear Reader.  I hope my story will inspire you not to give up in your own personal struggles.  Human beings can walk back out of the deepest pits of despair and find real happiness.

Dear Reader

johnny-jump-ups

Having started this blog, I now have the challenge of introducing myself and sharing my story with you.  I can't tell you everything in this public format without the comfort of anonymity, so you won't find pictures of me here.    My life path has wandered through many unsavory places and out of respect for everyone involved, including myself, all names and locations will be changed for privacy.  If you find yourself in these stories, please remember that this is only one story, from my point of view.  If you knew me then, don't make the mistake of thinking you know me now.  As for you, dear Reader, I write to you in the hopes that you are real.  If you are, you probably need this blog more than I do.  Don't give up.  True love is real.

love,

Margot

Dear Reader

The view from my secret spot.

My name is Margot and I have an amazing story to share.  Trouble is, I'm an intensely private person who doesn't really enjoy talking to people, be it on the phone or face to face.  Talking about my amazing story is very hard even with my closest dearest friends and family.  I write well though, and I'd like to share with you the amazing story of how I reinvented my life and found real happiness and freedom.  True love is real, dear reader, and it saved my life.