Monday, November 5, 2012

A new computer :)

Dear Reader,

It's been awhile.  Turns out, blogging is very complicated and time consuming if you're using an ancient computer, especially if you don't really know what you're doing!  So here I am, it's November now.  I had a lovely Halloween and am gearing up for Thanksgiving.  Since I last wrote I was accepted for transfer from our local community college to a major university, where I am now taking full time classes online.  Two years from now I will be shopping for a frame to hang my bachelor's degree in accounting!  We used some of the student loan money on a long overdue computer upgrade, and I realized I can actually blog now.  Yay!

I've been doing some thinking about where I want to go with this project.  One of my biggest motivations is to create some kind of record of my real self in the hopes that one day my oldest son, who is being raised by my parents (estranged) will come back in my life.  I want to be able to show him my real self, and tell him my side of the story, but it will be hard to do.  In creating my story I will have something to give him.  I also hope to inspire others.  With these goals in mind, this project is focused foremost on being real.  I don't have a perfect life and I'm not the perfect parent or citizen and I'm not wealthy or thin but after a lifetime of emptiness in my soul, I've finally learned how to be happy.  It didn't take money, and it wasn't by finding Jesus or going to therapy.

My mom once compared our estrangement to me having fallen over a waterfall.  I survived the fall, but can't get back up the cliff.  Perhaps someday, we'll both travel to a place where we can be together again.  Kind of sounds poignant and touching, right?  Like something from the Land Before Time?  Then I realized, it feels more like I'm a hobbit who escaped through the waterfall from the Elf King's dungeon.  If only I could have gotten my son out too.

more soon...

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